Current location:	Computer
Current mood:	tired
Current music:	The soft clacking of keys

Laying in bed tonight again I am starting to think about what a friend of mine told me.

We were riding on the bus together and she said to me that I have the worst choice in girlfriends.  That i delberatly choose the one who is going to hurt and torture me.  That i choose the people because I have no confidence in myself.  Then I got to thinking about all of the women ive had crushes on or dated.

Lisa from 4th Grade didnt care about me.  She just thought it was a joke about how I felt about her.

One from my 8th grade class named Casey.  Didn't even notice I exsisted.

First Girlfriend Katie, very self centered, cared more about her smokes than me.  Fucked some guy in the back of his car rather than going on a date with me.

Anick, my first sexual relatonship.  She was a self centered woman who wanted ritualized sex and wanted to talk endlessly about every relationship she had.  She often would rather sleep in and stay out rather than follow through on plans with me.

Caitlin, fairly normal relationship.  She dumped me without warning or reason.  I could tell she was planning on it.  I just let her without saying a word.

Natalie, gave into peer pressure, fucked me over, got engaged, then decided she wanted to sleep with me.  Totally immature and self centered.

Two other girlfriends in short sucession have also treated me poorly.  like their own personal toy.  One decided she loved someone else more than me and decided to leave me.  she keeps activly persuing me.  When i decided I wanted to get back together with her,  she didnt want me anymore.

The other i just flat out left when she treated me like her own slave and property and tried to control or dominate me.  When she realized what she did she wanted me back.  I want nothing to do with her.

Yeah my track record is pretty shitty and I keep making a lot of mistakes.  But I also had girlfriends and women ive had flings with that were not all horrible.  which is why they are not listed.  I am optimistic that things will go well for me one day.  I have my whole life ahead of me and one day i probably will find the girl who doesnt treat me badly.

To quote Neil Diamond "Dont know that I will but until i can find me a girl who will stay and wont play games behind me ill be what i am a Solitary Man."